Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Reality Check

Every once in a while I allow myself to get caught up in what is NOT working in my life.....I take a look around and think about what I would like to be different, what I am frustrated about and what I am doing wrong.....which naturally leads me to throw my hands up in air and plead to the unseen forces of the Universe; "why me?" Once the meltdown is over, I normally sit back and force myself to step out of denial and ask myself what my role in all of this is...but this whole 'own your life' thing didn't come easily because my name is Heather and I am a recovering finger pointer.

I think that a lot of us spend an unrealistic amount of time pointing fingers and blaming everybody around us for what we don't like about our lives. Rather than doing the work that it takes to change our current situations, we sit back and wait for things to get better, or we tell ourselves that is isn't our fault; we make ourselves into unnecessary victims. It feels like a relief to find somebody other than ourselves to hold responsible when things are not going well, because it somehow makes it a bit easier to tolerate a less than perfect life when we can tell ourselves that it is somebody else's fault. Regardless of what horrible things have happened in your life or who did them to you, the trick is what you do afterwards!
The whole blame game works for a while until you wake up one day and realize that there is nobody left to blame. You've played the bad parent card, beaten the bad x-husband role to death....even blamed pets, siblings and teachers for your sour lot in life. Yet in the end, we are the only one sitting there on the end of the bed sobbing into our Cheerios and wondering where it all went wrong. The parents have gotten on with their lives, the x-husband is out playing a round of golf with the guys and happily remarried and the teachers are all on beaches somewhere after taking an early retirement. So now my friend....there is just us.....and it's time to put on the big girl pants we've been hiding under the pile of dirty laundry we've let take over the bedroom and snap the heck out of it.
I have a woman in my life who has literally been angry for 15 years, and I mean really angry...and if you are not careful, in the first few minutes of meeting her, she is happy to tell you why! She is unhappy, bitter, and resentful and can't find her way through it to let go. Frankly, I think she has become so comfortable being mad that it's just part of the norm for her now. I keep thinking that one day she will wake up and realize that by holding on to all of this blame and anger, she is preventing herself from knowing true happiness, but I'm beginning to lose hope. It breaks my heart when I run into people like this because not only are they suffering, but their toxic aura somehow bleeds its way into the lives of everybody around them. The saddest thing is that it really serves no purpose. There is no benefit to just being the crazy angry lady all the time.....it's not good for your skin, it doesn't help you lose weight.....it doesn't win you any popularity contests or get you a fatter paycheck....in fact, it literally does nothing positive for you at all, except in your own mind. We think we are punishing the people we are angry at or blaming, when in fact, they have already moved on to far greener pastures. I actually think that a lot of us hold on to anger as long as we do because we secretly know that if we let all the bad feelings go, then we are either going to have to, at some point ask ourselves the big fat ugly question..."is part of this somehow my doing?" Or even worse....we will have nothing to complain about! Would it be so terrible to actually wake up happy? Maybe for some us who have just become comfortable with the whole misery thing, it would, but for those you that just want life to feel good....well, hallelujah and OH MY GOSH, welcome to the club!
I would like to hand you a big task today....a potentially life changing task....take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself what if any grudges or anger you might be holding on to and how that anger has served you. There is a pretty good chance that if you are honest with yourself you are going to find that nothing good has come of all these bad feelings, and maybe it's just time to let them go. A very wise person once told me that the only person who is hurt by you holding on to anger is you. Seems kind of pointless when you look at it that way, doesn't it? You can't imagine how much lighter the world feels when are not carrying around all that negativity! The moment you can let it go amazing thing begin to happen....the sky suddenly looks bluer....little birds seem to be winking at you....the faint sound of music is constantly in the air, and everything tastes REALLY REALLY GOOD! Okay....well maybe all of those things don't happen, but what does happen is you get control of your life back! You take back your power! You stand up a little taller, set your course towards bliss and head off into a peaceful sunset! As soon as you are ready to own your life again, I promise you that amazing feelings begin to show up.....feelings you forgot you ever had; like happiness, contentment, love, joy, and a laundry list of others! Why on earth would you ever want to miss out on all of that just so you could be p-oed and resentful for a bit longer??? We each only have so many days left on this planet! I suggest you get yourself an icecream cone and spend yours being happy!!!

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